Easier Said Than Done

       We-he-hell change most certainly is hard. 
If I want to make myself better, who cares about the difficulty when the result is happiness, hope, and a better future. What good can come from being afraid of it? So, come what may - may it be certain thoughts keeping me up all night, which always makes me want to spend a few moments in the bathroom, just to occupy my brain with something else for a bit ("maybe if my stomach's empty, my brain will be quieted and feel empty too?") - I know I can still beat it.
Sheeit, son! The twisted lies one can tell themselves.


I fought it off this time, but "easier said than done" indeed. Even still, I feel kinda sorta awful, but I know it will be OK. Patience, Fata, patience.
Change is OK. I'm not afraid anymore to know myself without these issues. I know I can be better, and I want to be better fowah evereh bodeh ayelse. 


I hear it from everyone - "you can beat it. You're great and will push through just fine." Why can't just speaking it out loud be a cure? Can't I just sit back and say it a few times and be done with it? Changing takes so much wooork. I already have a job, a thank ya very much. wTF keeps me plenty occupied. But nooo, it requires effort and perseverance. 
Meh - it's OK. Because, again,  I know in the end it's worth it. So whether or not I do this for someone or with someone I just know I have to do it. I can't hold onto an issue for other people to deal with too - that's not fair. 


So, as I [sigh], I let it go. it's OK to do that. I know I will have to remind myself many times, hence my redundancy here. Other things may come up, pr'aps just as hard to beat, who knows. Who cares anymore; I'm fed up with being afraid of it. 
So let's play my Anthem of the Day another time, shall we?...